The whole day leading up to the ceremony was filled with anticipation and talks about life in general and expectations for the night. When the clock hit 8, we were called down to the temple by the sound of Carolina blowing into a big seashell. The first ceremony had begun.
We went into the temple, chose a mattress and sat down. We talked a bit about the plant and what was about to happen. Our shaman sang a couple of songs, burned some Palo Santo and called us up to drink our cup one by one. I was the first one to drink. The taste was not as bad as I have thought it to be, it tasted bitter. A bit like raw cacao and something else, something earthy that I never tasted before.
We spent the first hour in silence. When Carolina and Canu finally started to sing it felt like heaven was just around the corner. It was so beautiful. I did not feel the effect of the medicine very strongly, but maybe it was because I asked her to be gentle with me as I drank her. However, when after 2 hours the question was asked if I wanted another cup, I accepted the offer. Shortly thereafter I felt her grab a hold of me, taking over control. I was no longer the captain of my ship.
This scared me and I immediately swore off all drugs forever and regretted my decision to go on this trip of madness.
But then I recalled the Shamans words at the beginning of the ceremony: Surrender. Breath. Love.
I started to think of my mother and all of a sudden I was surrounded by a vibrant light and felt only love. We are all one she said. I smiled big and gave thanks to all my family, my friends and life itself.
During the rest of the night I went everywhere. I realized that I can only be me. I am a creation and my mission is to be present in the now. To be conscious. And by doing that, making my light shine stronger and help others do the same.
Sometimes she was strong, sometimes soft. The love was overwhelming and my heart chakra was perfectly open, beating for everything and everyone.
The energy in the room could be described as the energy of Shakti. Not a single one of us purged until the hours just before dawn, which is very unusual. When I purged, it felt like liberation. Like I was cleaning out my closet.
After the purging I felt totally at peace. I was stretching my body on the mattress I was laying on, feeling the medicine healing my body. Feeling my muscles letting go into deep relaxation. Years of tension left with a couple of deep breaths. My shoulders dropped a couple of cm, my jaw relaxed, my calves contracted and let go and my whole body started to tremble softly for a moment or two.
I was awake. I am. So hungry. The sun was rising and I stepped outside, watching it do so, totally mesmerized by the event. The birds chipping was like the sweetest sound I ever heard, and the trees and other greens where so vibrantly alive. I never noticed that there are so many different shades of green.
I am whole. I am connected. I am divine. I am forever.
I went up to my room, ate some granola with almond milk and fell asleep. I woke up feeling dazed and amazed a couple of hours later. I could not really speak, nor did I feel the need to. All I need is to be, just as I am.
I am loved.
